So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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