never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
