I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
