You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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