Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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