i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
