Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
