Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
