The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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