So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So many bounce houses so little time
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
