I seem to have left my pride at pride
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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