y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
