It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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