take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
