Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
