btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
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Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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