I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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