Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
