you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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