i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
