There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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