Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
