If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
