Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
