she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
