she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
