its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
