in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Send help, water and tortillas.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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