he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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