the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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