Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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