after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
