I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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