...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think your dad took our porno
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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