six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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