my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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