And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
