My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
