i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
