Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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