i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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