Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize