Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
