U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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