ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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