she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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