I just cut my nipple shaving
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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