College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
