he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
