just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
