I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
