No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
