When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i've created a new STD.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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