for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do herpes really smell.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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