remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
