my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
