i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
