I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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