I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
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