If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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