it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
