just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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