the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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