I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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